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| Where are you off to? Image from here. |
I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I was kept up (in a
nightmarish way) by thoughts about the future. I guess when you reach a certain
age, the future becomes so close to possible that you feel pressured to measure
up to the vision you have of it in your head.
For instance, it was so much easier to imagine a bright
future for yourself when you were fifteen, and there weren't a lot of
self-limiting thoughts and hurtful experiences to contend with. Then, when
thoughts of the future danced in your head it was all brightness and laughter
and fulfillment at living up to your perceived true potential.
Now, thoughts about the future are more likely to send you
running in the opposite direction. Now, when your future is practically in the
same breathing room as your present, you are made to understand how your
millions of tiny decisions have amalgamated into the drama (or non-drama) that
is your life. You are made to face the possibility of mediocrity, and if not
that, of failure. You are made to assess the probability that you have
turned into the very thing you have been working against.
